Update.
So apparently a "Blog" is something updated on a daily basis, if not frequently during each day, every day.
I guess this isn't a "Blog" then. As such, I've changed my header to include "Intermission" instead of "Audio. Video. Disco." [cliche?]. I suppose it makes sense when viewing life as a film and taking periodic breaks to splooge [apparently that's spelt incorrectly, and yes, 'spelt' is in fact a word. Spelled/spelt = the same; I'm looking at you Mr. Corrector.] thoughts about anything and everything, in no consequential order.
Anyway.
I've decided to put my "book" on hold for right now. I figure it'll come when it wants to [that's what she said, ha ha ha, so funny. I KNOW RIGHT??], and until then, I'm going to occupy myself with other things.
I've been hearing a lot about my personality being negative, and bitter, all that junk lately. As much as I respect and value those opinions, I've never really sat down and mulled over the matter entirely. I can see truth in it, most of the time. I don't really notice when I get negative, aside from when I feel like a bitter old man, though half the time my negativity comes from a good place meant for humor and making people laugh. I suppose after 6 years of shit-filled adventures and what I deem "torrid" memories [ie. assuming that what I feel is real, is real, when in actual fact it's false, and therefore the passion is non-existent and I'm just including myself in events and people who abuse that which I long to feel on a consistent basis; passion]. If that makes ANY sense.
Basically, as I've said over and over, I need something real in my life, something to step my low blood pressure up a notch and make me feel alive again. I think the idea behind this is to stop looking and just flow. Maybe not entirely. Maybe moreso to stop looking in all the wrong places. Who knows. I certainly don't. As one of my previous "blog" entries stated; life should be described as 'fluid', which is true, things should just flow. For me, they usually do. Every so often, though, I find myself frozen and unsure of what to do with myself or where to go. It happens to all of us, I'm sure. However, it happens to me a lot more frequently now than it ever used to.
Note: A lot of my negativity comes from the fact that I am, as vividly noticeable, a very in depth person who does nothing but think, and think and think. Very seldom is my mind spotlessly clean of clutter and nonsense. And where I could be in a perfectly content and fantastic mood, the thoughts that are making me [at the time] in that mood, are waging war with about 1000 other thoughts that could be negative or not in my head. If I had one facial expression all day, every day, it would be quisitive.
On top of that, I want to thank those people, and all the friends I have, legitimately, who have stood by me and consoled me; given advice, put up with whatever shit, etc. etc. etc. I started this trend with a text message earlier today, and now I'm giving it a global shout-out. I love you all. I cherish you all. I thank you all. I never say that enough, if ever, and it needs to be made clear right now. What motivation and inspiration I have, if any, has come from all of you. I don't know where I would be were you not such caring and devoted people. Would that I had more obvious and openly expressed emotion [physically], that would be made more evident simply from the expression on my face every day. Unfortunately, most of those expressions reside in my head until I force myself to ramble on after a few beers. It's all there, you just have to know where to look, and thankfully, those of you that have stuck by me, for the most part, know exactly where to do so.
In conclusion, and as of today [after 5 hours of debating ideas whilst tearing open numerous boxes of long-boards at work], I've decided that I'm going to really sit down and dedicate myself to my guitar. I figure if I'm having such a hard time with this game of love and life, I might as well spend a little more time with something that cannot judge nor force me to judge, and instead remain completely impartial to what's going on in my life beyond the movement of my hands. That didn't really make sense either. Yes it did.
My guitar loves me. *cries*
No, I'm over-dramatizing this whole thing. Whatever.
On top of that I've had numerous ideas for tattoos lately, and I figure what a way to get myself back in the grips of drawing, then to draw up my own ideas and spend ample time getting them right, and perfect, so that when I take them in to a shop or to an artist for a consultation, they'll have something primed and ready to work with.
I've got big ideas.
I might even scratch my "big" painting idea and just paint up a big fucking image of the next tattoo I want. Who knows. The ideas feel good and that's what matters. I suppose there's a subtle increase in blood pressure right there. Subtle. It hasn't happened yet, so when I start, maybe that statement will become more concrete.
I guess we'll have to see where this goes.
Word.
Out.
I guess this isn't a "Blog" then. As such, I've changed my header to include "Intermission" instead of "Audio. Video. Disco." [cliche?]. I suppose it makes sense when viewing life as a film and taking periodic breaks to splooge [apparently that's spelt incorrectly, and yes, 'spelt' is in fact a word. Spelled/spelt = the same; I'm looking at you Mr. Corrector.] thoughts about anything and everything, in no consequential order.
Anyway.
I've decided to put my "book" on hold for right now. I figure it'll come when it wants to [that's what she said, ha ha ha, so funny. I KNOW RIGHT??], and until then, I'm going to occupy myself with other things.
I've been hearing a lot about my personality being negative, and bitter, all that junk lately. As much as I respect and value those opinions, I've never really sat down and mulled over the matter entirely. I can see truth in it, most of the time. I don't really notice when I get negative, aside from when I feel like a bitter old man, though half the time my negativity comes from a good place meant for humor and making people laugh. I suppose after 6 years of shit-filled adventures and what I deem "torrid" memories [ie. assuming that what I feel is real, is real, when in actual fact it's false, and therefore the passion is non-existent and I'm just including myself in events and people who abuse that which I long to feel on a consistent basis; passion]. If that makes ANY sense.
Basically, as I've said over and over, I need something real in my life, something to step my low blood pressure up a notch and make me feel alive again. I think the idea behind this is to stop looking and just flow. Maybe not entirely. Maybe moreso to stop looking in all the wrong places. Who knows. I certainly don't. As one of my previous "blog" entries stated; life should be described as 'fluid', which is true, things should just flow. For me, they usually do. Every so often, though, I find myself frozen and unsure of what to do with myself or where to go. It happens to all of us, I'm sure. However, it happens to me a lot more frequently now than it ever used to.
Note: A lot of my negativity comes from the fact that I am, as vividly noticeable, a very in depth person who does nothing but think, and think and think. Very seldom is my mind spotlessly clean of clutter and nonsense. And where I could be in a perfectly content and fantastic mood, the thoughts that are making me [at the time] in that mood, are waging war with about 1000 other thoughts that could be negative or not in my head. If I had one facial expression all day, every day, it would be quisitive.
On top of that, I want to thank those people, and all the friends I have, legitimately, who have stood by me and consoled me; given advice, put up with whatever shit, etc. etc. etc. I started this trend with a text message earlier today, and now I'm giving it a global shout-out. I love you all. I cherish you all. I thank you all. I never say that enough, if ever, and it needs to be made clear right now. What motivation and inspiration I have, if any, has come from all of you. I don't know where I would be were you not such caring and devoted people. Would that I had more obvious and openly expressed emotion [physically], that would be made more evident simply from the expression on my face every day. Unfortunately, most of those expressions reside in my head until I force myself to ramble on after a few beers. It's all there, you just have to know where to look, and thankfully, those of you that have stuck by me, for the most part, know exactly where to do so.
In conclusion, and as of today [after 5 hours of debating ideas whilst tearing open numerous boxes of long-boards at work], I've decided that I'm going to really sit down and dedicate myself to my guitar. I figure if I'm having such a hard time with this game of love and life, I might as well spend a little more time with something that cannot judge nor force me to judge, and instead remain completely impartial to what's going on in my life beyond the movement of my hands. That didn't really make sense either. Yes it did.
My guitar loves me. *cries*
No, I'm over-dramatizing this whole thing. Whatever.
On top of that I've had numerous ideas for tattoos lately, and I figure what a way to get myself back in the grips of drawing, then to draw up my own ideas and spend ample time getting them right, and perfect, so that when I take them in to a shop or to an artist for a consultation, they'll have something primed and ready to work with.
I've got big ideas.
I might even scratch my "big" painting idea and just paint up a big fucking image of the next tattoo I want. Who knows. The ideas feel good and that's what matters. I suppose there's a subtle increase in blood pressure right there. Subtle. It hasn't happened yet, so when I start, maybe that statement will become more concrete.
I guess we'll have to see where this goes.
Word.
Out.
posted by dial out : at 7:01 PM
4 comments
