I hate this blog and all the bullshit I find myself writing about these days.



What ever happened to enjoying the little things, and not giving a fuck? What ever happened to just sitting down and speaking your mind?

"Expendable," is not a good way to refer to one's self, and yet that's how I feel right now.

People in this city need to wise the fuck up.

Attack In Black - Marriage

"If it's mine to give it's gone
lost or left somewhere along
the way and forgive my honesty
but you can have all I'll never be

one day machines will quit
and the ones like me who don't see fit
to play a part will move along
with no pity for the deadest ones

and everyone with a soul will fall in love
buildings bend and punchclocks rust
for everyone in the dust who can't recall
smokestacks choke and billboards fall
a painting hung on every wall

can I be this miserable?
will it count to be this careful?
and if everyone's this sad and cold
please pass the fucking pill

I've seen everything to see
and I can't breathe around such company
if it only proves my frailty
I denounce humanity."

You know how funny it sounds, after the years I've been reading and wanting to write fantasy fiction, to re-read the names and scenarios I've created in my mind?

Hilarious.

Ridiculous.

And why? Because every time I spill my heart about something so passionate to my lifestyle, there is at least one person smirking because of how stupid it sounds.

We all have our vices.

We all have our fantasies and our inspirations.

For once, I want to sit down with someone, and tell them the books I've read and the ideas I have in my head, the character names, the dragon species, the villages, the castle towns, everything. I want to sit down with someone and have them say to me; "Work with that, you've got some imagination going there and I admire it."

Not,

"Oh yeah, that sounds cool. No I'm not laughing at you don't worry, it's just funny, and different."

Fuck off.

Do I laugh about your fantasy baseball league? No.

Do I laugh about your fantasy to create obnoxious fashion accessories and gowns? No.

Do I laugh when you tell me you apply obscure amounts of makeup to people who sit in front of a camera for 5 hours a day, modeling for pictures of horrendous nature? No.

Do I laugh when you TAKE those pictures? No!

Why? Because art is art and whatever you do is inspirational to yourself. If you take photographs that look horrendous but in reality have severe QUALITY? There is no questioning that.

I may have looked at work in my life and laughed but in the back of my head I know the person is doing, or at least trying to do/thinking of doing, what is in their heart.

Why should I open up about the shit that makes my life interesting when people sit there and smirk like I'm a child.


Fraudulent personalities are what I SHOULD be writing about, in some epic, over-dramatic manner, because that's all I ever tend to see these days. People who don't know themselves, and act too hard in pretending that they DO know themselves. Fake people. Self absorbed people. People who would rather donate money to a pet-rock foundation.

Fuck I am angry right now.

And if I had an emerald green drake to ride through the city igniting its contents in a blaze of fury, I would do so.

Here's a thought...

I should write a book based on the experience of Technology vs. Nature, or rather Nature in every day experiences dealing with Life.

Being a bit of a tech savvy person myself, to some extent or another, I think it would be pretty easy to pinpoint various aspects of technological advancement over the years that has so far, in our present day, begun the rapid and [quite honestly] unfortunate deterioration of various social and .... I want to say economical relationships. Obviously there are things that have gained some benefit over the years, so it'd probably be focused primarily on social relationships.

We all use computers, internet [now wi-fi, wireless], cell phones, bluetooth, satellite, blah blah. I love them all myself--though personally I'm beginning to hate the use of cellphones--so it would be interesting to hear myself talk and write about ways that things I and we use every day, for numerous hours a day, have affected specific aspects of life that ... way back in the fucking day, were resolved and acted out through other means.



An example; cell phones and bed. Whether it be going to sleep, or waking up; it's always being checked.

What ever happened to sleeping under the stars and waking up without worry of missed messages or bullshit about random things that have no effect on your life whatsoever, at least for that day?