Concepts of Perception

So I realized today how interesting I find 'viewing' people, in stages.

To clarify, a prime example[s] would be post-sex, or any post-intimate moment with someone. Another example, to specify, would be portrait drawing, as I so frequently USED to do.

Think about it though.

How often have you been at the bar, or any are of town, and noticed someone really attractive. How often does that attraction lead to conversation, and then possibly more? If it's one thing I've begun to frequently notice; the more you pursue these attractions and have conversations with these people, the more you begin to notice the changes in how you view them. Sex is a prime example, for every experience I've had with someone where sex is involved, immediately after you begin to view the person in a new light. Whether it be bad, or good.

Again, think about it.

You begin to notice what it really is about that person that makes them attractive. Simple curvatures on their face, where lines meet, interesting placements and spaces, body faults, anything. You just pay attention to everything and anything, but it's so subconscious that nobody [so I think] pays attention to these things. One minute it's, "wow that person is ridiculously attractive", the next it moves to a series of analytical thoughts about why or how, or what went unnoticed at first. Not so much an attractive face in the crowd as it is an attractive face next to yours. It's weird.

The same goes for something like portrait drawing, which, for me, was a BIG part of my highschool art career. I felt flawless when I did it, but at the same time, contradicted myself in everything I did and there was always something MORE I could do.

The thing I loved about portrait drawing, and still love to this day, is when you have a real model sit in front of you for hours letting you observe and inscribe an image of their face/body. You notice so much in the process of doing it, that I personally find it breathtaking. For one minute you're simply staring at a model being paid to sit in front of your canvas/paper for said amount of time, and the next you notice emotions, personality traits, subtle hints of things that they may or may not think they are brilliant at hiding. You may realize a facade for what it is, then again you may realize that the person sitting in front of you is no truer than how your pencil/paintbrush creates them. They are as you draw them. You draw them as they are.

A closer portrait allows you to truly study what is beautiful about one's face. Their eyes. Smile. Whatever. How things connect. The differences in one face compared to another. Roughness. Smoothness. Creepy, no? It may be a little, but think about it.

Photographers have the same glory, but what I find superior to photography when it comes to painting and drawing, is you're not looking through anything but your own eyes. There is no 'beyond the lens', there is only what you see and how you perceive it, as well as what the model allows you to perceive. You realize who is afraid of showing what, and why, as indirect as an answer it may be.

I miss this about art. A lot. I miss feeling like I knew everyone and no-one. I miss being in a room full of people that you really do 'know', but then having a model placed in the middle of that room, and completely disregarding everyone BUT that model. It's intriguing. I often felt that I was having a 6 hour conversation about the person's life, simply by staring them down for 1-3 hours and recording what I saw. Is that weird? Does that sound wrong? I have no idea. It's inspirational, at least for me, to think about and remember how things like these used to affect me. I'm losing touch with that.

I sit down now to do a portrait and pay more attention to the accuracy of my lines; the perspective; the realism; comparing every inch on paper to every inch in space. I never used to do that. I used to just analyze and record. Record and analyze. Simple process. Simple cycle. In which cycle I was able to learn more about myself and how I view people, as well as others and how they view themselves, ESPECIALLY while surrounded by one or more people doing nothing but judging appearance for the sake of art. Many say that to judge in such a situation is wrong, and takes away from the point of the art. Give me a break, though. It's impossible for some to sit there and not judge. You stare into that person's eyes for long enough, it goes beyond the art. The second you focus more on their eyes than you do your own work, it becomes an intimate experience that is comparable to nothing else. It's not physical. It's not verbal. It exists but it doesn't. If anything, it exists only because you tell yourself it exists, as I did with myself.


No idea if that makes sense.

Figured I'd throw it out there as it's been on my mind. I've met a lot of people in the last month who I find myself drawn to simply by analyzing their face and seeing what nobody else sees. Maybe that's my fault in many circumstances though. Maybe not. I miss putting that part of my life onto paper though so that people can see what I see, for I often feel like I see more than most. I'm sure most artistic people feel the same, regardless of what avenue of art they follow.


[Edit; as I just stated to a friend--perhaps this is why I put down the pencil. I've begun noticing all of these things in regular everyday life, whereas a few years ago I only discovered these subtle traits when I was being so analytical and comparative during person-to-paper sessions. Maybe part of me feels like I don't need that outlet anymore. Artistically, I miss it though. I miss having a pencil or brush infused to my hand, inseparable; there to record at all times.]


I suppose it's time to buy some canvas and settle into the groove again. I've got a 3/4 empty sketchbook already.